THE PERFECT WIFE
One day you wake up and feel like it is all a BIG FAT LIE! How did I fall for all those lies? Why did I stay so long? What am I going to do now? Your heart is beating so fast in your chest that you can barely catch your breath. Then that still small voice whispers between your tears. “TRUST ME.”
Every marriage will not be saved but for those that will… Ask yourself these questions before you leave.
Standing there with his hand in yours you believe that it will last forever. You are high on love. He’s the perfect guy and you have intentions of being the perfect wife. You’re not going to argue and…
One day you wake up and feel like it is all a BIG FAT LIE! How did I fall for all those lies? Why did I stay so long? What am I going to do now? Your heart is beating so fast in your chest that you can barely catch your breath. Then that still small voice whispers between your tears. “TRUST ME.”
You respond, “I don’t know if I can. The last time I trusted someone they trampled on my heart and emotions like they were trash on the sidewalk. Promises were made that could not be kept. I did my best to cook, clean, take care of the kids, work, go to church, be a good daughter and friend... find grown-up time with my husband. I just needed some help to manage it all. I tried to be the PERFECT WIFE!
It was easier when the kids were younger because there were so many distractions. Making sure they were at all their sporting events and school events was a full-time job, but now they have grown up and we are left with all the conversations that were never had and things that were swept under the rug. I don’t even know this man that I pledged to love forever. Somewhere along the way, we lost sight of each other. He was doing his thing and I was doing mine… We seemed to be on one accord but that chord was easily broken.
“Trust Me!” there that voice goes again. Why it’s over. I’m done! You’re done but I’m not. What? I’ll take it from here. For the first time in months, you’re still… physically and mentally.
Coach!!! I know. I am not here to argue stay or go, but I am here to advocate for God’s Will in your life before you do something you will regret.
Have you tried everything - God, counseling, coaching, or a fresh start?
Do you know yourself and can you communicate your needs to your spouse in a way they can understand? Do you know your spouse in this place… Do you want to know them?
Is there any truth to what the other party is saying? Were they neglected or ridiculed in conversation?
Are you in a place of harm? It is going to be him or me because of mental, physical, emotional, or financial abuse?
Am I ready to forgive, learn, and move from this place?
Learn? Yes, learn. Everything we face in life brings a lesson that must be learned in order to not be in this place again. No more taking baggage from relationship to relationship. You will never be perfect without spot, blemish, or wrinkle, but you can be a mature wife… A Wise Wife that knows how to build in crisis.
MARRY WELL
Marry well is a statement little girls are told often, especially in some countries and cultures. It generally pertains to finances or social status. They are groomed to look for certain qualities and discard the rest. Recently, I had a situation arise and I went to God. His only response was, ”You heard what I said.”
I went on with my day, however, my emotions from the week got the best of me. When my husband came home, I talked to him briefly about my day and fell asleep. When I woke up, he was on his phone hard at work. By noon, he had taken care of my issue. He came through in a BIG way.
That night, as I reflected, I heard marry well. Those words hit differently at that moment. He wasn’t a multi-billionaire or the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, but I was proud to be his wife. Why? Because he could check the following boxes:
Make sure he can support not only you but the dreams God has given you.
Make sure he can pray you through a storm and cover you in battle.
He may not be perfect, but make sure his heart is pure towards you.
Make sure you can grow together. He may not have the drive today but with the right environment and timing, he can bloom.
Sis, make sure you don’t talk yourself out of your good thing… Marry Well!
Connect with Wise Wives Build to take your relationship to another level.
THE PERFECT SET
My grandmother used to pride herself in going to yard sales and finding the perfect china pieces to complete her set. What if we took that same time and care with understanding and valuing those in our direct sphere of influence.
Today was a day of new. Instead of doing a live broadcast, I hosted a watch party of an older broadcast. It was talking about understanding that we are the clay, not the potter. God is very aware of what he intends for us to be. As the comments began to come through, they began to talk about
How God’s hands are so sensitive that he can feel the smallest particle or imperfection and remove it as you go.
How everyone wants to be a bowl, plate, or cup but we also need forks and spoons.
When you gather all the right pieces you can end up with a beautiful set, even if they don’t match.
I began to think about how many times I wanted people to be like me. Think like me. Live like me but maybe that was not their purpose in life. A fork will never do what a bowl can. Sure, it can hold food but the capacity is very different.
One of the first things we add to our home or bridal registry is a good set of dishes for special occasions. Sometimes these sets come with more pieces than you know what to do with. Like going to a fine dining restaurant where you have a regular fork, salad fork, spoon, soup spoon, and after each course they bring you more silverware. Every piece has a purpose.
The same is true for the people in your life. They each have a purpose.
The Bible says in Ephesians 4:16
from whom the whole body, being fitted and held together by what every joint supplies, according to the proper working of each individual part, causes the growth of the body for the building up of itself in love.
How many times have we gotten frustrated with our spouse, children, coworkers, church members/pastors, because we are expecting them to do and be something that they were not created to be? How many times have you longed for someone to promote you that only sees you as a follower? How many times have you misunderstood your mate because your expectation was different from their current purpose?
What do I mean?
Have you ever seen those creative people that can take a pitcher and turn it into a vase or spoons into a mirror? You may be thinking… look I just need you to do your job, but it has another purpose of becoming something more. Maybe your spouse or even you are not functioning the way you desire, but maybe it can be something better if you just open yourself to more.
I do not know about you, but I desire the perfect (mature, purposeful, God-ordained) set for my life even when it doesn’t look exactly like I want it to.
THE NEXT BIG THING
Everyone needs people in their life that wants to see them succeed and is willing to tell them the truth. Over the last few months, I have had people stop me mid-sentence (side eye, attitude, and all). I could have gotten angry and told them how rude they were, but I try to remain teachable. Honestly, I needed them to confront my words and mindset in that moment. It wasn’t personal. They saw something I didn’t see.
Jackson walked in with a huge smile on his face. He gave Janet a kiss and placed something on the counter. He watched intently as her eyes focused on the little blue box. She looked up at him as he beamed with pride. It didn’t matter what was inside she understood its value with one look.
Over the last few months, I have had people stop me mid-sentence. I could have gotten angry and told them how rude they were, but I try to remain teachable. I needed them to confront my words and mindset in that moment. It wasn’t personal. They saw something I didn’t see. When I talked about the things God has placed in my hands, I often used the word little or small.
The packaging speaks for itself.
It’s just a little book.
I have a small group of ladies that I am working with.
My little company…
My little marriage and family.
Does any of that sound familiar? In the context of billions of people in the world, it is easy to limit the value of one thing compared to another. We see it everyday with shoes, purses, cars, spouses, children, and the list can go on and on. The comparison trap… why can’t we just stand in our own light and shine like that Tiffany’s box knowing how valuable we are. No one ever looks at the box and says, “man that’s small.” Their eyes light up and some may even jump up and down before opening it. It’s reputation speaks for itself.
So what about the people that have got the box and put something of lesser value inside? In the Bible I am reminded of the story of the fig tree. Jesus saw the leaves and by all indication their should have been figs on the tree. When he found none, he cursed the tree. Please don’t think people get away with being deceptive. They ae eventually deceived themselves or have to pay some for of restitution for their lies.
They opened my eyes to a bigger picture. There has never been anything small about me. From my forehead to my weight. I have always been larger than others. So why would I try to shrink down now… blend in and hide if you will. No one ever looks at an elephant and says he’s small even if it is just one standing alone. His presence is massive and so is yours
What am I saying? It’s time for you to stand in your light and shine. You are valuable and have work to do. No matter how many mistakes you have made or how long it has taken you to get to this moment. You are here, so go blaze your trail. Truth be told, YOU are the next big thing! You are more valuable than any blue box.